General Beckman's Lackeys
by TheSpyYou'reLookinFor
Summary: From Chuck vs the Tic Tac. Two agents are sent to LA to pick up Chuck and Sarah from the CIA Subterranean Base and return them to Castle. These two may not be the best candidates for the job...


Agent Millard Foley

Agent Jeb Ackerman

Mission Report

Code: .10

Sum: Transport to Los Angeles, California, capture and return to base two rogue agents, return transport.

The air was singed from the groaning car horns on what was once a LA freeway. It now looked something like the parking lot outside of Walmart on Black Friday.

The gray van Agent Millard Foley and Agent Jeb Ackerman sat in was lodged between a tiny yellow Volvo with its top rolled down and a Ford truck. The Volvo sported a blonde head of hair that bobbed up and down to an unmistakable beat coming from her car speakers above the honks around them.

"You think I could take a crack at her?" Jeb asked. He slicked his brown hair back and straightened his tie, "I love blondes."

Millard squinted at the road far ahead and tapped the steering wheel. They were going to be so late. "General Beckman is going to kill us."

"I wonder if she's a movie star. You remember Lauren who worked with me in high school? She was almost a star. I mean wouldn't you have like a ninety percent chance of meeting a movie star here in LA?"

"She was an extra on a set. Man, I told you, I don't want to hear about your creepy housekeeping job." Millard grabbed a flashing light from behind Jeb's seat, rolled down the window and set it on top of the van, "Do you think I could pass on the shoulder?"

Jeb ran his fingers through his hair,"Yeah, but you should have seen the way she could fluff those pillows."

"I don't want to know," Millard pulled over to the gravely shoulder and passed the blonde Volvo girl. Then they were gaining more ground. Their siren screamed above the car horns

The freeway parking lot stood still while the GMC van shot past, kicking up dust and gravel in its wake.

In Washington DC, Millard knew this day was going to burn when Beckman called Jeb and him to the CIA transporter. The device looked like the top of a giant watch. Black steel gripped a large round piece of glass through which blue light shone up. Millard looked at Jeb and Beckman. Their faces were shadowed with blue like kids whispering horror stories by flashlight. Five hours is a long time from DC to LA and apparently Beckman didn't have time for that. Two minutes later Beckman stepped off the device and typed a code into a keypad. The door slid open and Beckman told them they had to pick up two rogue agents near Crystal Towers, here in Los Angeles.

Now they were at staked out at Crystal Towers near the subterranean CIA facility, waiting for the agents to come out. Millard put the flashing cone away so as to not attract any more attention. The street was silent.

"If the girl is a blonde, I'm calling dibs right now," Jeb straightened his tie and noted that the sidewalk was completely empty.

"Great, I have to deal with the kung fu guy?" Millard sighed and tapped a button on the keyring, the passenger door swung open without Jeb's assistance, "At least we got that. Make sure he's walking closer to the van."

"Rodger that," Jeb grabbed a black pillowcase and slammed the passenger door shut. He walked past the small bushes manicured to the side of the building and took position beyond the tan side of it.

"Hey man..."

Jeb turned, a punk kid with tattoos and unfocused eyes was poking the black pillowcase Jeb had scrunched up in one hand.

"This your stash, man? Whatcha got, huh?" The kid's eyes watered from the inside, milky blue, his pupils were gray.

Jeb looked the kid up and down, no visible weapon of course. He considered pulling his gun on the kid, but decided that would be stupid, "Go get wasted on your mom's beer, punk."

The kid closed his eyes for a second, before turning and muttering a cuss.

"Didn't copy that. What did you say?" Millard's earwig spoke up.

"Nothing," Jeb said into his watch.

"Hey they're coming out now. Get moving!"

Jeb rounded the corner and tried to keep the black pillowcase from showing in his hands. He deliberately walked near the middle of the sidewalk, forcing the agents toward the van door.

Thump! The male agent was down from the rigged door and Millard rounded the vehicle to grab him before he could pull any kung fu.

The blonde gasped and Jeb pushed his pillowcase over her head while she flailed helplessly. Were these really the CIA's best? Jeb grabbed her arms, handcuffed them, and pushed her into the van.

Millard bagged the other agent who made some kind of blubbering noise and cuffed his hands before pushing him also into the back of the GMC.

Millard and Jeb jumped into their seats and turned it around to head back to the CIA base.

Jeb dialed General Beckman, "We've got them, General."

"Excellent. Bring them back to base, immediately."

The phone snapped shut and Jeb laughed. "Are we good or what?"

"Yeah, good at pressing buttons and bagging people's heads." Millard noticed the lanes were clearing up on the freeway, he hit the blinker to change lanes.

Jeb straightened his tie and ran a hand through his hair again, "Trained agent's heads, a hot blonde one at that."

Millard rolled his eyes, "You really are hopeless. I'm wheeling the girl around when we get back to the base. Don't want you picking up sexual harassment charges."

"Hey... it's me." Jeb grinned and rolled his window down.

Millard pressed a button on the dash and the voices of the two agents in the back came through the speakers from a bug, "Hey close that, I want to listen."

The last time they did one of these capture missions, one of the big tough agents started bawling his lungs off. It was hilarious. His partner didn't say anything, but from the banging on the steel Millard knew he was having a cow.

"I'm so sorry Sarah."

"No, Chuck, I'm sorry. I know you want to be a spy, but all this with Casey..." The girl cut through the speakers and Jeb wore a dorky smile. Until Millard looked over and punched Jeb's shoulder.

Jeb rubbed his shoulder and squinted his eyes at Millard, "Hey, I've got to use a toilet."

"Beckman said immediately." Millard said, as he noticed a BP on the next exit, he turned the blinker on and turned into the gas station.

The rogue agents spoke up again,"I guess we shouldn't have gotten involved."

Millard parked by the nozzles.

"Chuck, I—We've stopped." The woman agent observed.

Jeb jumped out of the car and walked briskly in to the convenience store. Millard walked around the van and nudged the gas nozzle into the tank. He kept a look out for any suspicious behavior.

"Hey, hey Millard, cheese balls or popcorn for the ride back?" Jeb said through the earwig.

Millard watched a little hispanic girl chase after her father to get to the entrance of the convenience store. He lifted up his watch, "Whatever's fine."

After replacing the gas nozzle and swiping his card to pay, Millard got back in to the van. Jeb hustled to the car with a family size bag of cheeseballs in his arms.

"Are you kidding me?" Millard said, "You're going to be sicker than last company picnic."

"I told you, someone slipped something into my drink," Jeb ripped open the bag and stuffed a handful into his mouth.

Jeb rubbed some of the greasy cheese on his white shirt before realizing what he had done, so after licking his fingers, Jeb buttoned his suitcoat to hide the cheese mark.

Millard grimaced, "You're disgusting."

Jeb jabbed the button to turn the bug off, leaving a greasy cheese mark on the dashboard, "They're boring. Hey, you want some?" He offered the bag to Millard.

Millard shook his head and pulled back on to the freeway.

The Burbank Orange-Orange was dark and closed when Millard and Jeb entered, each pushing the rogue spies down to the CIA base below.

General Beckman wore her trademark frown as the agents were pushed into swivel chairs. Millard pulled the black pillowcase off of the woman's head hoping he wasn't pulling her hair too much. Jeb pulled off the other agent's black bag making the agent's hair poofed out into strange animal shapes.

With practiced ease, Jeb and Millard pushed the swivel chairs around to face Beckman and then stood as still as sentries. Beckman said something about her reputation and a guy named Alex, but Jeb just wanted to get back to his cheeseballs. The powdery texture, the crunch, it was only in the van outside this base. Once Beckman stopped talking he could get back to them... Jeb caught himself before he started to salivate too much.

Millard congratulated himself on his suburb maneuvering skills and reconsidered his choice to join CIA instead of working at the nursing home his grandmother stayed in. Gramma Foley always liked him pushing her wheelchair through the halls, but at least here he was capturing rogue agents for the good of the country.

Now Beckman said something about sending these rogue agents to take out another rogue agent. Millard didn't quite understand that, but Beckman ordered both of them to unlock the handcuffs.

Beckman gestured for Jeb and Millard to follow her as they wound through the base back to the room with the transporter.

"What about the van?" Jeb's fingers brushed over his tie.

"I will return it to our CIA holding site," Beckman said as she let them into the transport room. Millard walked into it.

Jeb frowned and stepped on to the blue plate, "Oh, uhh, okay."

"I will expect your report when I return tomorrow." Beckman said.

Millard stared down at the light that made his feet black, and below the glass, blue gas swirled by turning them into atoms and reforming them in Washington DC.


End file.
